Let's Give Thanks

Some days I love this place and even though I miss home, I wouldn’t trade anything for the experience. Some days, like yesterday, I would give anything to be back home in my house, my room, my bed with my family, my friends and my pets. Yesterday was a bad day and it was one of those days when I start to get really down on myself, this place and this opportunity. I have those days more often in Spain than I ever do at home. It probably stems from the loneliness and the fact that I’m here – far away and somewhat isolated – and it’s all me. It’s only me here and my mistakes, my problems, my feelings, my fears … there’s no one to bail me out. It’s all on me.

However, with every statement there are two sides to it. Yesterday I was kind of in a funk and looking at the world through pessimistic eyes. Days like this will come again I’m sure, as there’s no denying that everyone will always have good days and bad days.

As completely terrifying the statement: “It’s all on me,” is, it’s also somewhat thrilling. For how long now have I been trying to prove to the world that ‘I’m a big girl’ and am perfectly capable of looking after myself? Well, now it’s time for me to put my money where my mouth is. I get to prove it. I can prove to myself and to everyone else that I am a strong enough person to deal with whatever curves life throws me and that I don’t necessarily need anyone there to pick up the pieces for me when I fall apart. I can pick myself up off the ground and give it another shot. I get to be big, grown up Jayna fending for herself. And that is an absolutely thrilling and inspiring prospect.

As I mentioned in my last post, yesterday was Thanksgiving back home. Today I’m done with sitting in my self-pity pool and I want to give thanks for all of the wonderful things in my life (of which there are many.)

• I have a mother and a step-father who love me even when I screw up and make big mistakes.
• I have a boyfriend who gives the best hugs in the world. <3
• I have a house in a country that has access to clean drinking water and medicine
• I have never had to fear for my life or been afraid of persecution
• I go to a school that doesn’t have metal detectors and police officers inspect you every day to make sure you’re not carrying weapons
• I go to a school that is able to give me opportunities to live and study in another country for 5 months
• I can read and write
• I am healthy with no diseases, infections or wounds
• I have a laptop with internet access! (This is a personal thing … what would I do without the internet?
• I am spiritual in my own way without being overly religious, and I do not fear for my life when I say this
• I live on a planet that has chocolate
• Even though I am not at home, I know that I am safe. I have a roof over my head and food on my plate. And I know that there are people somewhere in this world that genuinely care about me.

I think that I could go on forever. There are so many things in my life that I am truly thankful for. And I mean that, from the bottom of my heart.

I'm off to go do some Spanish homework.

Happier today,

Jayna